BELIEF FIVE.: DEVELOPMENT FLOWS FROM HOW I LIVE WITH OTHERS

Your unique self, identity, and specialness can be known only through your relationships with others. Some, mistakenly  think  that self-development should begin with a focus on self but the opposite is true. You really do not even exist alone. A mother is not a mother without a child, a husband is not a husband without a wife, nor an actor without an audience, a doctor without a patient. So when it comes to self development you must first consider your relationship with at least one other person. Success in changing for the better comes in living better with others. How is this accomplished?

Too often the self help advice you might receive is how to influence and change the other person masked as developing interpersonal skills. Instead the goal should be on you becoming a better person. What this entails will vary depending on who you are relating with and your present level of development. For example if there is a high and frequent level of conflict  between  a husband or wife the first thing to do might be to control your temper. If the problem is not conflict but lack of love for one another then the first thing to do might be caring and putting the welfare  of  the other person ahead of  your own. If the other person fears you or feels rejected then begin by trying to be less critical or judgmental. Notice that in all three of these cases the focus includes the other person as they encounter you. Thus the path to self improvement or healthy change becomes immediately apparent.

If you don’t know where to begin there is one sure good place to start that applies to all human interactions. It is to become more loving. Again, notice that this does not require any change or action on the part of the other person. Notice that even if they do not change at all you benefit by becoming a better person in each instance. The key, the guide, the most direct path to your self- improvement is found in you being better with another. This other could be God.




       SELF-INSIGHT QUESTIONS FOR PRACTICAL APPLICATIONS

                           LESSON FIVE

1.    Why is another so important for self- development?



2.    Where and when have I observed that, “becoming more loving” is the first step or key to living better with others?



Recall an example of when the following attributes helped a person  become more  loving?

3.    Putting the needs and welfare of another before my own.



4.    Being non-critical, non-judgmental, or accepting of another.



5.    Being forgiving.



6.    Relating without using force and power.



7.    Having empathy or sharing another’s burdens.



8.    What is the most important belief I have learned from this reading and discussion.