About Personal Development

My photo
Corlu, Tekirdağ, Türkiye
Hi! My name is Dena Jensen. I facilitate this webpage and my father and I write articles and share our beliefs on how we can change for the better. We hope that you will help us by discussing with us in our Topics we will be writing and joining our Online Conversations!

Saturday, December 17, 2011

Who Should Change To Fix Your Marriage?

Even the best marriages have problems. Even the best marriage partners are not perfect. And at one time or another all of us want to improve our marriages.  Many things may need fixing; money management, faithfulness, affection, communication, loyalty, division of labor, cleanliness, religion, values, childrearing, and many more. Most often one partner unconsciously concludes that the other needs to somehow be fixed. In distress they naturally hope  something can be done to change the other person. Put in simplistic terms, they want to fix their partner.

But, fixing the partner is not the solution for many reasons. First, it is not likely to work. Usually it has been tried many times before and the partner is still the same. When relationships are in trouble or when there is conflict it is hard to force or even to kindly persuade another to change. People typically dig in their heels when they feel pushed to change.

Then even if enough pressure is exerted to produce changes in your partner there is no guarantee that the changes will stay when the pressure is removed. And who wants to live in a relationship where you have to constantly exert pressure on your partner.

The greatest problem with changing your partner is that your well being and happiness then becomes dependent on your partner changing or not changing. You lose your control as you wait for someone else to change. Again, you become  controlled by whether they change or not.

No comments:

Post a Comment